Exercise #3

Your Relationship Vision


Now you have thought very hard about your Perfect Day and your Vision for your dreams. Now it is time to see the potential in your relationship.

Use the insights that you gained from the first two exercises and complete your Relationship Vision with the following exercise.

Relax and have fun and see how your relationship can grow!

Step 1:  Writing

If you are a couple, do this together. (If single, imagine your perfect mate.)  Take out two sheets of paper (or your journal), one for each of you.

?Working separately, write a series of short sentences that describe your personal vision of a deeply satisfying loving relationship.

?Include qualities you already have that you want to keep and qualities you wish you had.

?Write each sentence in the present tense, as if it were already happening.

For example:

“We have fun together.” “We have great sex.” “We are loving parents.” “We are affectionate with each other.”

?Make all your items positive statements.

Write: “We settle our differences peacefully.” rather than “We don’t fight.”

Step 2:  Sharing

?Share your sentences with your partner and/or your coach.  

?If you are a couple, note the items that you have in common and underline them.

It doesn’t matter if you have used different words, as long as the general idea is the same.

?If your partner has written sentences that you agree with but did not think of yourself, add them to your list. For the moment, ignore items that are not shared.


Step 3: Ranking

?Now turn to your own expanded list and rank each sentence (including the ones that are not shared) with a number from 1 to 5, according to its importance to you.

1 indicating “very important”

5 indicating “not so important.”

?Circle the two items that are most important to you.

?Put a checkmark beside those items that you think would be most difficult for you to achieve.  


Step 4: Design

?Now work together to design a mutual relationship vision similar to the following example.

We are cruising in the Caribbean (Charlie – 1 Debbie – 3)

We have fun together (Debbie – 2, Charlie 3)

We are financially secure Charlie -5, Debbie -1).


?Start with the items that you both agree are most important.

?Put a checkmark by those items that you both agree would be difficult to achieve.

?At the bottom of the list, write items that are relatively important.

?If you have items that are a source of conflict between you, see if you can come up with a compromise statement that satisfies both of you. If not, leave the item off your combined list.


Step 5: Remember and Revisit

?Post this list where you can see it easily. Once a week, at the beginning of your “State of the Union” sessions, read it aloud to each other.

© Relationship Coaching Institute | All rights reserved | Adapted with permission

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*Taken but modified from Hendrix Ph.D., Harville (2010-04-01). Getting the Love You Want, 20th Anniversary Edition: A Guide for Couples (pp. 258-260). Macmillan.